So I've done some mulling over the thoughts that have been brewing in my head this past evening. And I'm just thinking about some events that have happened in the previous couple of days that I regret. I think I must have an issue with receiving, I love giving things to people but I don't much like receiving stuff from people. I was thinking about this yesterday and I think that because I don't openly receive things, I am actually on the verge of being rude, I didn't realize this until yesterday...kind of sad, don't you think? I feel bad taking things that people give me, probably due to some previous experience that I've had. I don't feel comfortable receiving anything from people unless it's my family or a special occasion like Christmas or a birthday. Any other day, I feel like I don't want to be a bother to the person doing the giving, so I refuse. And as time goes on, I realize that I just committed an act that I should never have done. I should never refuse a gift, because it's rude. Why haven't I thought of this before? Why is it coming to me just now? I've refused people's invitations to go see a baseball game today--why? I said no thanks to hanging out with people, I've said no when the RA on our floor came to give my a piece of freshly made chocolate banana bread. Why am I doing silly things? Everyone is being so nice to me, but why do I keep refusing their kindness? Does this make any sense at all? Why is this silly? Why do I feel uncomfortable with accepting gifts and invitations to hang out? And then, after all this, I complain that I'm lonely and I have no friends. Okay, sympathy for me, from me is all vanished. Evaporated. Poof.
Why am I like this? Why am I unintentionally rude to people? And why did this stroke of realization only come now? I should accept invitations, accept gifts, be more sociable. Whyy...?
People, readers, lovely people out there. Please help me, give me advice, can someone explain to me why I feel guilty when accepting things? I love giving things to people, and I hate it when people make a big deal over it, why am I being one of those people that I don't like? Why am I being rude? AHHH help!
Life's complicated.
What's that quote that mum always tells me? Uhh, it goes something like, "What we don't like about others is what we don't like in ourselves." I should learn.
Dear Heidi, So lovely to see your comment on my blog honey! I popped straight on over to see you. I have a suggestion about the accepting things issue. Actually it comes from my Dad, a much higher and experienced being. Here it is: Smile and say thank you. That's it! I see your beautiful face and know that smiling is easy for you. 'Thank you' are only two little words and before you know it you have accepted that piece of cake, had a fabulous day at the game and received all those compliments that you so deserve. It is so nice to see that you are constantly learning about people, life and most importantly, yourself. Keep smiling, cause I am coming back to check up on you. Lots of love x
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